Canada & Cambodia may start and end with the same letters – but that’s certainly where the similarities end! In Cambodia , culture and chaos seem to co-exist, and it reminds you with a jolt, that so many here are still battling the daily fight for survival.

Cambodia is also one of the most war-torn places on earth, and is still trying to recover from the nightmare of its recent history with Pol Pot and his murderous Khmer Rouge regime. As you probably know, this lunatic was responsible for the slaughter of some two million people.

He banned all institutions, including stores, banks, hospitals, schools, religion, family relationships, and even the concept of time - as clocks and calendars were forbidden. He murdered not just ethnic minorities but whole classes of society. Any person with an education or a professional skill was liable to be extermina ted , as were some who merely looked educa ted by wearing glasses or speaking a second language. They were execu ted in the so-called “Killing Fields”, where victims were normally battered to death to save expensive bullets. So much for the history lesson – on with our travels.

Off to a bit of a rocky start as the accommodation we had pre-arranged was less than pleasant. Dark and dingy, and home to a multitude of mozzies. So after an unrestful night, the next morning we complained to the staff before going out for brekkie. When we returned to the room I heard Christine shriek when she opened the bathroom door. There were 8 cockroaches all doing the backstroke in various stages of their death throws!

Staff said they ‘sprayed’ to get rid of mosquitoes. Yikes, must have been some lethal chemicals that were strong enough to knock off the entire cockroach clan! We hit the road to look for another place to lay our skulls. Fortunately we found a nice with most of the mod-cons called the Socheata Hotel, just around the corner. What a difference a room makes – we’re now happy as a butcher’s dog, and ready to take on the countryside!

Despite our less than stellar start, our days in this country have been truly splendiferous. The 12th century temples are stunning. Our first stop at sunrise was the Bayon, a three story temple with giant sculp ted faces. No matter where we went in this magnificent, multi-leveled temple these huge faces seem to be constantly watching us. Their serene smiles give a sense of peace and security, as if they know something you don’t. As we meandered about, I kept wishing the faces could talk and share the incredible events they have witnessed over the centuries.

Next stop was Ta Phrom – the jungle temple of Tomb Raider fame. As we climbed about these jungle ruins just after dawn, we were trea ted to quite an audio program put on by the birds, and a deafening chorus of cicadas. As walked down the path to the temple, there were two little kids who showed us through the ruins helping us find places that we would never have found on our own. We spent several hours in these surreal and magical ruins.

Buried in jungle vegetation for 400 years, French archaeologists finally uncovered this 9th century temple in 1947. What makes it so unique are the 600 year old kapok trees and strangler figs, whose roots have been silently stalking the temple ruins century by century. The thirsty humongous roots, some of which have spread a hundred meters from the tree trunk, have patiently encroached, entwined, entrapped, embraced, entombed, and ensnarled the temple like the wrinkled arthritic tentacles of some giant petrified octopus devouring it's prey.

As we were leaving Ta Phrom, we were spot ted by a scruffy sprinkle of kids who were all over us like mud on a pig, wanting to sell souvenirs. Trying to avoid these little ragamuffins is like trying to give a fish a bath. Dressed in their tattered rags, these cute little kids tug at your heartstrings as they have so very little.

One little girl in particular caught our attention. She had the saddest little face, and followed after us for ages trying to get us to buy something. In our daypack we had a brand new ted dy bear from Singapore , and we both agreed we should give it to her. WOW – you should have seen her face as we pulled it out of the bag. Her frown vanished and her face became illumina ted with a 1000 watt smile that we will remember forever. There are hundreds of languages in the world, but a smile speaks them all. We took a couple of pictures with her, and then she exci ted ly ran off down the dirt path, tightly clutching her new best friend.

Later in the day we arrived at Angkor Wat – one of the most awe inspiring monuments ever conceived by man. As we approached it our mouths were open like a couple of goldfish with lockjaw. Breathtaking, astonishing – all the superlatives apply. This massive and sprawling temple is surrounded by a moat 570 feet wide and about four miles long. Angkor took 37 years to build (1113-1150), and incredibly, all the stone was moved by elephant and bamboo barges down the river from 50 miles away. Had some good exercise climbing up and down the steep steps throughout the temple, and took a picture with a monk, whose orange robe contras ted so dramatically with the somber grey of the ancient stones.

In another spot in the temple was an old woman with a cute little girl about 4 or 5 years old. We stopped and I gave her one of the little finger puppets I had taken as gifts. I’m not sure who got the biggest kick out of it, the child or grandma!

The town of Siem Reap is hot and dusty with not much to do, but offers some wonderful little muncheries, our favourite of which was the Blue Pumpkin. There are also a few places that offer a wonderful foot reflexology massage that is now on our most wan ted list. There is also an old market, but the number of limbless beggars is shocking. It is very tiring being constantly hit on by these poor amputees. Cambodia is known to be one of the most heavily mined countries in the world, with about 40,000 out of its population of 11 million having lost limbs in landmine explosions.

We have ren ted bicycles, and have spent most of our time absorbing the fascinating sights – like hapless pigs on motorcycles, trussed up with their trotters in the air – 4 & 5 year old kids dragging around huge water buffalo by the nose – and a hundred other sights that I can’t begin to describe here – you’ll have to wait for the pics!

One of the other temples Christine wan ted to visit was Banteay Srei which was about 37 km away. We decided to go by tuk-tuk which is an interesting contraption where you sit in a cart with a roof to protect you from the sun that is pulled along by a motorbike. It was a great idea, since we could easily stop anywhere along the way for some pictures – although on such a long trip, I did get bored looking at the backs of the drivers ears.

We get a kick out of the little school kids who greet us smile at us and shout “hallogoodbye”, and then watch as the little girls giggle into their hands at their boldness.

Yesterday we enjoyed a bike ride out along the Tonle Sap river to the lake of the same name. This muddy river seems to function as a well, motorcycle wash, swimming hole, public bath, municipal sewer, and water buffalo drinking trough. Went out to putz around the lake on a very sad looking boat out to an interesting floating Vietnamese village – a city onto itself on the water, complete with schools, police station, restaurants, and a church.

One of the many co lou rful highlights of this long bike ride was stunning lotus fields, that went as far as the eye could see. When we stopped to take some pictures of this gorgeous sight, a lady came up to us selling the lotus pods, so we bought a few to munch on the way back. We burned through some serious film on this day trip!

Cambodia is truly a land of temples and temperature. The last couple of days have been hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch, and even an old sun-vulture like myself managed to get somewhat ‘crispified’. Fortunately I have brought along with me a healthy stock of Barbados rum to soothe away the pain!

After a great time in Cambodia , the border busters crossed over into Thailand to a little known secret called Hua Hin, which is approx 3 hrs. by bus south of Bangkok . Very relaxing little sea side town. Our accommodation has been shared between the Nilawan Guesthouse and the Hua Hin House – both good places to stay.

We nibbled, munched, and hoovered our way through some orgasmic culinary delights - this of course after Mark quickly learned "mai Ped" - which means "easy on the spice, buddy" (or something like that). In many of the restaurants you eat while sitting out over the water, as they used to be the old squid drying piers, when this was still only a little fishing village. Nice atmosphere to be sure.

We enjoyed the Thai massages which are a cultural experience we have grown very fond of over the years. You are led into a room, then the woman proceeds to twist, turn, knead, pulverize, pummel, and otherwise abuse your bod for a full hour. It's also quite interactive, as the woman will sit or stand on you, and use her various other body parts to massage you, just like they were trying to tenderize meat - which in fact is JUST what they are doing. Oh yes ladies - use those other body parts!

The weather here was perfect up until the night when we had quite the thunder and lightening show. Along with it the rain-train came barreling through and was so heavy it's closest description may be a land tsunami! When it finally let up enough for us to venture out, the roads were like rivers that had to be waded across.

I enjoyed an interesting run along a beach where the sand was covered in hundreds of huge jellyfish, about a foot or two in diameter, that had been washed up by the tide. Quite an unusual running experience, striding over these monstrous blobs. Also stopped to rescue a frog, which I have a fondness for, that had fallen down onto the beach and was trapped by a wall.

As I pen this note we are sitting on our little balcony enjoying a few rums at happy hour. Next to us is a wooded area, and I have been having a conversation with a monkey somewhere up in the trees. What a hoot - every time I call out, she responds (at least I hope it's a she)! With each rum, the conversation becomes more meaningful. Not sure if Christine is jea lou s or thinks I should be commit ted - but judging by the smirk on her face, methinks it would be the latter!

Have been quaffing mango lassies, soaking up Mr. yellow, talking with the monkeys, strolling barefoot along the sand, saying goodbye to some big bottles of cold Singha beers, and not giving a damn about anything on the other side of the planet......yes, life is good.

Having ended my relationship with Ms. Monkey, we have moved on. We headed to Kha Sam Roi Yot National Park where we spent a magnificent day. This is an area of some 300 limestone mountains. We trekked up a steep rocky trail shared with centipedes and another big bug locals call ‘the train’, to the Phraya Nakon Cave . This is actually a giant sinkhole where the roofs have collapsed allowing sunlight and rain to reach the floor where trees have roo ted and reach for the ceiling.

Adding to the ambiance of this brilliant place, is a temple with the sunlight glistening off the roof top, which is crowned with soaring nagars, the image of the cobra rearing. Also in this cave there is an innocent looking tree that has leaves so poisonous that elephants are terrified of it. Apparently the leaves can actually burn right through their incredibly tough skin. Quite a special place with a mystical feel to it.

Next up, big bad Bangkok - or if you want it's full name, which happens to be the longest in the world - KrungthepmahanakhonAmornrattanakosinMahintharayutthayaMahadilokphopNoppharat RatchathaniburiromUdomratchaniwetmahasathanAmonphimanAwatansathitSakkathattiyawitsa nukamprasit (Translation: Great city of angels, the supreme repository of divine jewels, the great land unconquerable, the grand and prominent realm, the royal and delightful capital city full of nine noble gems, the highest royal dwelling and grand palace, the divine shelter and living place of reincarna ted spirits). Try that truly torturous tongue tripper after a few Singhas!

Personally, I think the translation is far too flattering, and perhaps could be better named “Big city of old men and young Thai girls, the supreme repository of pollution, the great land of tourists/crippled beggars/ ladyboys and hookers, dwelling of the royal palace and mega massage parlors, and less than divine shelter for the millions of Bangkokians who live there”.

Still, it’s definitely interesting city to explore, and one that leaves none of the senses under stimula ted . It’s not for the faint-hear ted , as this sprawling, crowded and pollu ted place guarantees a serious buzz for those who enjoy feeling the pulse of a city directly through the jugular. It reminds me of one of the lines in the Murray Head song - ‘One Night in Bangkok - makes a hard man humble’.

We took a stroll through Chinatown where we had our nose hairs quickly acquain ted with chilies, jasmine, roses, diesel, garlic, sewer stench, fish, incense, urine, tea, coconut, and an assortment of other unidentifiable odours. But perhaps worst smell of all was the dreaded durian, which is an evil fruit that is kind of a green, volleyball/porcupine hybrid. It has a stench worse than a sack of skunks, and one good whiff of this botanical wonder is likely to put your lunch on your shoes! Included in the other strange street side foods available for sale are BBQ pig's heads, grubs, grasshoppers, steamrolled ducks, beetles, grubs, fried cockroaches, et-friggin’-cetra. - Yummmmm!

Bangkok ’s street traffic is brutal, and seems to be more or less 24 hr gridlock, with occasional traffic unjams. Walking along beside all the diesel-spewing traffic is so exhausting (literally), that whenever possible we op ted to use the sky train.

After the Chinatown walk we went back to the sanctuary of our air-con room at the Ambassador Hotel for a shower before venturing out again. Christine decided to spend the afternoon in retail therapy, so I wandered down to one of the bars to rehydrate. Sitting there doing my ‘12 ounce curls’ and watching the low-topped, high-heeled ‘talent’ strut their Bangkok butts has given me quite a case of Thai whiplash!

Prostitution is at epidemic proportions here, and HIV infection rate very high, so condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. In fact, you are crazy enough to indulge here, you might want to consider wearing a full wet suit!

And speaking of condoms, we have found a most interesting restaurant called "Cabbages & Condoms" - YES, that is the actual name. And believe it or not, it is appropriately loca ted on a side street, between the Planning & Community Development Center and the Non Scalpel Vasectomy Clinic! True.

The place oozes ambiance, and offers fabu lou s food, excellent staff, and a lovely setting where you can eat dinner our under the canopy of a 60 year old tree. The heavy jungleish greenery in the restaurant, combined with the chickens strutting about, makes you forget that you are in the city, and the subtle lighting in the trees makes for a very romantic setting.

The decor is different condoms from countries all over the world, and the bar there is appropriately named the Vasectomy Bar! Apparently the owner is very big on family planning, and believes that in order for it to be successful, birth control must be as easy as buying vegetables in the market. So after every meal, when they bring the bill, they provide you with 2 free condoms.

For me, having already visi ted the “Vasectomy Bar”, they are about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike, but an interesting idea none the less. I guess you might call it a truly unique, and safe eating experience!

Leaving Bangkok , we had a somewhat difficult morning trying to reach the old ancient capital of Ayutthaya . However, we finally succeeded, and were certainly glad we had made the effort, as it turned out to be one of the most interesting areas we have been to in Thailand. The ancient wats (read temples) and ruins were wonderful. One night while having a drink at sunset out by the ruins, a bunch of elephants came buy with their mahouts. What a beautiful sight with the sinking sun and ancient ruins as a background.

For the most part, this is not a town that seems to cater much to tourists, so it made things a little more awkward. One of many examples was the day we left. We tried to get some breakfast about 8 am, but everything was sealed up tighter than a crab's buttocks, so we had to improvise with a trip into a riotous market where we bought some recognizable rambutans and jackfruit for as makeshift fruit salad before heading off to the bus station. However, the hassles were minor compared to what the aged place has to offer.

After the interesting visit to Ayutthaya , it was back to the buzz of big bad bustling Bangkok for a bit of last minute exploring. On route to our hotel, we had a most enthusiastic cab driver, eager to try and make conversation with his very limi ted English cab.

After finding out where we were from, he turns to us, taking both hands off the wheel and complete with wild gestures says, ahhhhh, Boxing Sadam" - followed closely by "Bagdad Kaboom!". We had a good laugh, and as I pulled out my reading specs to look at our map, he then bobs his head up and down like a chicken and says, "You put on you zooms"! Hard to argue that one. Just one of many amusing Bangkok moments.

While walking back to the hotel on the crowded streets after dinner one night, a grubby little snot-dribbler try and pick my pocket. A major concern since I had several thousands of dollars cash. Experience has taught me to always be alert in Asia , and fortunately I noticed it going down. Quickly, I gave the little drop-kick the back of my hand, which sent him scurrying away into the crowds, probably to resurface in another area to try and fleece his next victim.

The weather here is so 'effing' hot here it feels like we are about four blocks from the sun. To lighten the load, I decided to get a haircut which was done with scissors and a large straight razor. The girl did a great job, and I'm deligh ted to report that both ears are still in tack.

While in the World Trade Centre one morning, we noticed that up on the eighth floor they had, of all things, an ice-skating rink. Being that we like to skate at home, we decided to give it a go. Who-da-thunk-it in Bangkok !

The pathetic rental skates could best be described as instruments of torture. They were battered and heavy blue plastic figure skates with blades about as sharp as a beach ball. It didn’t help that they were also the wrong size and painfully pinched the digits.

Wobbling across the squidish white ice in these horrible skates was certainly less than pleasurable – in fact I've had more fun removing splinters! VERY quickly we decided we had had enough of this numb-nuttery, and called it quits. Oh the joy of stepping back into our Tevas!

In Bangkok , we wrestled long and hard over the decision of whether or not to move on to Vietnam , because of the SARS problem their. In the end, we thought it was worth the calcula ted risk to go. We wan ted to see the places that we had missed on our last Vietnam trip in 2000, which was cut short due to health problems after my run across the country.

Vietnam gets my vote for the worst airports in the world - period. Immediately I wondered why we had come back. The Department of Immigration would be better called the ‘Department of Intimidation’, with the power tripping officials looking like they have been weaned on lemons. As we have joked many times, they are well balanced individuals – a chip on both shoulders!

Each time we arrive in a Vietnam airport it’s the same old crap. We’re not sure why they are so miserable, but tourists need this kind of treatment about as much as a fish needs a bicycle!

Then, once you have finally cleared these clowns, you have to face the waiting hotel and transport touts who hover outside, like a pack of buzzards over carrion. Knowing the chaos at the airport from our last trip, we had fortunately made arrangements for our hotel to send a driver to pick us up at the airport. This enabled us to cut a swath through the waiting gaggle of gumflapping gorillas who kept trying to latch on. A word to the wise – never go to a communist country to relax. For a cultural awakening, absolutely. For an education, definitely. But not to relax! What a relief to finally arrive at the hotel!

In Hanoi , the capital of Vietnam , we stayed in the fascinating ‘Old Quarter’. This is a section of the city which dates back 500 years, and is a claustrophobic maze of spaghetti-like streets and alleys, with an eclectic collection of goods and merchants. These streets change names every few blocks, and even with a map, they can leave you as confused as a baby in a topless bar. Although we spent the majority of the time lost, it was fun, and a smorgasbord of photo opportunities.

Here, everything happens in the streets. Cone-hat ted women tote heavy baskets, balanced on a strip of durable bamboo slung over their shoulders, which bounce as they shuffle along the crowded streets. Boys tap out rhythmical tunes on bamboo sticks as they walk or cycle along the street. We learned that these kids are actually mobile musical menus advertising what's on offer at the nearby soup stalls.

The line between the street and the shop is blurred. The city's sidewalks teem with entrepreneurs. Vendors set up portable noodle shops on the sidewalk and people slurp their noodles on ridicu lou s small plastic chairs while the motorcycles whiz by them. Old ladies squat on corners with a funnel and plastic bottle full of gas awaiting their next client. It’s almost impossible to walk on any sidewalk for more that a few meters before detouring out into the streets.

Some of the many streets we visi ted included *Hang Ma - paper products, including Ghost money to burn for the dead * Hang Mam - fish sauce street, * Hang Gai - silk street, * Hang Bac - gravestones street, * Hang Dao - clothing street, * Lo Su - Hat street, * Hang Quat - brilliantly co lou red funeral and festival flags and religious objects, * Hang Ruoi - Clam Worm street, * Don Xuan Street – grubby market with zillions of products for sale along with interesting ‘wet foods’ like hopping frogs, slimy snails, clawing crabs, and slithering eels, and other gastronomic delights – and the mysterious * Pho Lan Ong - Street of Medicine which was one of my favourites. The shops along this street contain humongous mushrooms, starfish, seahorses, tree bark, and hundreds of other UFO’s (unidentified friggin’ objects).

This is also the street to buy scorpion wine, and the famous snake wine, which has inside some ginseng roots and a large-necked cobra holding a smaller green snake in its mouth. On the bottle is a label which reads: Real Speciality of Vietnam, Snake Wine. Usage: Rheumatism, Lumbago, and Sweat of Limbs. So, if any of you suffer from ‘Sweat of Limbs’, be sure and let me know!

Another interesting place where we had a good laugh was the Highway 4 Bar on Hang Tre Street . This place sells every type of traditional Vietnamese moonshine to cure all your ailments. Here is a sample of some of the drink descriptions which I copied down directly (explains the English) from the menu:

GOAT’S BALLS – Dam Duong Hoac strengthens your virility and is also used against backache. People discovered it’s property by watching frolicking mountain goats who regularly dine on the leaves of this bush. Hence, goat testicles are added to the potion. (BEEN THERE DONE THAT ON THE LAST TRIP!)

GHEKKO – a precious blend of ghekko and indigenous flower stem. Ghekko tonic is a natural antibiotic and stimulant effecting the male lower body parts, the respitory system, and your nerves. It’s properties are further catalyzed by a precious medicinal plant. (I PREFER MY GHEKKOS ON THE ROOM WALL RATHER THAN MY STOMACHE WALL!)

CROW – a pair of black coucal birds (one male and one female) give this potion a strong meaty flavour, strengthening, and cures backace. (THEY DON’T EVEN REMOVE THE FRIGGIN’ FEATHERS!)

FIVE SNAKES – five different poisonous snakes (cobra, krait, grass-snake) makes this potion invigorating and strengthening. (OH GREAT, SCALY VIAGRA IN A BOTTLE!)

GHEKKO, SEAHORSE, STARFISH & GINSENG – This liquor is a sublime combination of the invigorating characteristics of various marine creatures (seahorse and starfish) and the reptilian ghekko. This liquor is the ultimate thrust for men. (DONTCHA LOVE A GOOD THRUSTING GROG!)

Oh, how I’m missing a nice mellow bottle of Merlot right about now!

The traffic volume here is amazing. Crossing the road (chicken never made it) is quite a task due to the tangle of traffic, which is a mean melee of movement that reminds me of a colony of ants on speed!

The Vietnamese also seem to have a strong aversion to slowing down, much less stopping, and intersections here appear to be considered "sport"! Drivers also have a serious horn fetish, and the constant blare becomes very tiresome. As far as traffic goes, my vote for a more appropriate name for this capital city would be ‘Hornoi’, or perhaps ‘H-annoy’!

For longer distances Christine and I have been using a cyclo, which beats walking, but is not without certain disadvantages. Imagine a worn bench suspended between two bicycle wheels. Behind the bench is a bike seat, 2 pedals and a third wheel. This spooky contraption is kinda like a mobile lawn chair, and you sit in the front while some poor bastard in a pea-green pith helmet pedals his guts out behind you, and points you directly at the oncoming traffic. The only shock absorbers these things have are called passengers, and at any given moment the odds are good that you could become somebody’s grille ornament, and end up wearing the ‘wooden overcoat’. Yes, it’s always a good idea to bring along extra underwear when traveling in Vietnam !

The transport, mainly bicycles and motorbikes, is laden with a mind-boggling collection of cargo. They are often piled beyond belief with furniture, plate glass, construction supplies, a variety of livestock, and anything else seemingly impossible to move. Vietnam is truly the nation of innovation, and when it comes to the “Outrageous Two Wheeled Cargo Options” event in the next All Asian Transport Olympics, look for the Vietnamese to be the clear winners - they are sure to sweep the gold medals in both artistic and technical categories!

Fortunately we are staying in a nice place called the Salute Hotel. The staff is delightful, and the location is great - being only a block or so from Hoen Kiem Lake . This scenic lake which features a pagoda in the middle of it, is a welcome oasis from the never ending drone and honking of an epidemic of motorbikes that constantly terrorize the town.

Starting about 4 am the entire perimeter of the lake becomes a hive of early morning exercise. Sprightly seniors perform their daily Tai Chi ritual, and appear in great shape considering many are sporting more wrinkles than an elephant’s butt, and have fewer teeth than fingers. Other activities around the lake include walking, running, hackeysack, and badminton.

Later in the day some pleasant cafes alongside the lake are a good place for relaxing and people watching. The only problem is the photocopied book and postcard sellers, who like patriot missiles, hone in on tourists, trying to separate them from whatever currency they have.

When your in the mood for food, the city’s restaurants are excellent, and we have enjoyed sampling the exotic dishes. However, the food markets are a different story, and certainly not for the squeamish. They have the bouquet of an armadillo’s armpit, and offer unrecognizable things bound for stomachs that look like leftovers from an organ donor clinic! I think you would have to be extremely gastronomically adventurous to ingest this stuff. Gag, just looking at some of this stuff is enough to make you want to kneel at the porcelain alter.

The weather here the last few days has become very humid and we have been sitting around puddling. But while we enjoy getting a bit of a tan, women here seem to do their best to avoid it. Pale skin is popular in Vietnam, so before hopping on a motorbike, a woman will often pull on shoulder length gloves, put on her conical hat, tie a scarf beneath her eyes and over her mouth, and then add a pair of sunglasses to complete the disguise. Sun protec ted yes, but they remind me of someone about to rob a bank!

After deciding we needed a break from Hanoi , we ventured north to do some trekking in Sapa. We took a night train from Hanoi . Ten long hours of the clickety-click, clickety-clack rhythm of the rails before reaching the completely forgettable town of Lao Cai which is only 2 km from the border of China . This is as far as the train can make it, so from here it was a 2 ½ hour mini bus ride up through the steep mountains to Sapa.

Sapa – the ‘City in the C lou ds’, is a remote and incredibly picturesque village that lies on the Hoang Lien Son mountain range close to the Chinese border in NW Vietnam. It is home to numerous co lou rful hill tribe people, their stark villages, incredible rice terraces, lush vegetation, and Fansipan, highest peak in Vietnam .

The weather in Sapa was cold as a penguin’s ass, and a bit of a shock after hot and humid weather of Hanoi . There’s very little sun because Sapa is in a unique place where the fog, mist and c lou ds just love to congregate.

We stayed at a very funky guesthouse called Cat Cat. It featured a broken bed, broken sink that kept spewing water on the floor, and a cheek-pinching toilet seat with one crack too many. Now, having said that – we loved the place! The atmosphere was terrific as we looked straight across the deep valley onto Mt. Fansipan , which is the highest mountain in Vietnam . It also had a great little restaurant attached, with a lovely terrace that hung out over the cliffs. Very odd feeling to be having a meal, and watch the spooky fog come right between you and your partner at the table.

In the moments when the mystical mist would vanish, we were left an inspiring view of the mountains. What a magical spot to be relaxing while sipping on the delightful Sapa wine.

Incredible Sapa is also home to many interesting hill tribes whose villages can be easily reached within a few hours. One of the prevalent groups included the Black H'mong. The women of this tribe are very distinguishable by their indigo-dyed hand woven clothes and pillbox hats. When walking about they seem to be continuously hand spinning large balls of hemp, from which they make their dresses, leggings, and sashes, which are also beautifully embroidered. They work the terraced rice fields and lead a life that seems to remain virtually uninfluenced by the outside world.

The countryside is amazing. We ventured out into the mountains to visit a couple of villages by way of an old army jeep that was taped and wired together. We slithered along narrow roads hanging over cliffs so outrageously steep that they would make even the Dali Lama tense!

Halfway through a trek to Lao Chai, Christine became very ill, nearly passing out. We had to abandon the hike and get her back to the dusty road, where she could be extrac ted back to Sapa by jeep. I guess a trip to Vietnam wouldn’t be complete without a mishap to one of us! Fortunately, the next day her health was back to normal and we were able to continue on.

On another day, in the very memorable village Taphin, we enjoyed seeing the Red Dao people who are certainly the most co lou rful of the various tribes. The women wear distinctive bright red hats of folded cloth laced with silver coins. When you combine this with the fact they also shave their eyebrows and the first few centimeters of their hair above their foreheads, and sport bright gold teeth, and large dangling silver earrings – it makes for a co lou rful sight indeed. Another incredible day in a far away land!

While we were taking a picture of a little girl in the rice fields sitting on the back of a huge water buffalo, a Black H'Mong woman wandered buy selling some live dinner which she was walking/dragging along on wire leashes. These supposed delicacies are called Bamboo Rats, and look like a cross between a guinea pig and a groundhog with attitude.

These rodents with monster teeth, perhaps sensing their demise, were very aggressive and trying to bite anything within range - including me. We watched as one of the Red Dao came out to inspect one of the creatures. She poked and prodded it before finally making her decision to purchase, and then having consumma ted the deal, dragged the snarly animal away in the direction of her cooking pot.

One morning I enjoyed a great run through the mountains with the c lou ds right down on the road in places. Along the way I picked up several curious munchkins who wan ted to run along with me for a while on their way to school. Good fun, which certainly attrac ted the attention of the locals who obviously don’t get a lot of runners at that altitude.

After several fascinating days sequestered away in Sapa, we made the return minivan and train journey back to Hanoi . Our bug-infes ted train trip was about as enjoyable as a barium enema, and Christine was up half the night swatting bug after bug, before giving up and pulling a sheet over her head and falling asleep.

When you get on the train you are given a roll of bread and a small bottle of water. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the appropriateness, as the train became our little ‘prison’ for the next 10 – 11 hours.

Mercifully, after a long semi-sleepless night, the train finally lurched into the Hanoi station around 4 a.m. Despite the time and awaiting darkness, we were happy as a butchers dog to finally be back. We grabbed our packs, and like a cheetah on steroids, bol ted straight for the sanctuary of the friendly Salute Hotel.

In Hanoi, we enjoyed a couple of quiet and relaxing days, and shopped for a few souvenirs, before it was time for the long flight home, and back to reality.

And so, as yet another of our adventures in Asia comes to an end, we again take away a wonderful collage of memories, from these incredible countries that are so very different from our own.

Ah ASIA - we like it, we love it, we can't get enough of it! We say goodbye - until we can get back again!

Mark Colegrave 2003